Friday, January 04, 2002

fear.

If last Friday was the most unenjoyable day of my life, today is one of the scariest. We're waiting to see if a judge will sign a request to let me go back to school. The DA's recommending it and they usually go with them, but it's still freaky. My college career is in the judge's hands and he can do whatever he wants with me, depending on his mood. Honestly, going back is probably the safest option. All I do is study over there and I'm not around anyone who would do anything stupid. That only happens out here.
It's also scary as hell because my plane leaves tomorrow. We don't know if we should pack or what. My parents are on the brink of hysteria and they scare me when I'm around them. A judge was supposed to make a decision yesterday, but the one who got the case has been sick, so it got delayed. Now all we can do is wait and try to calm the nauseous feeling deep in our stomachs.
I stayed up really late last night talking on the internet to some person who I've never really met in person. She says that she likes me or something and it's kind of confusing, but I don't really care at this point. It's really nice to talk to someone who isn't going insane and is optimistic about my situation. Everything's really distorted. I've never felt like this. I don't know where I'm going. But right now I have to deal with the anxiety that's devouring my stomach. I used to think that I would get sent back, but now my parents are making me think otherwise. I'm scared. :(

Note: shortly after writing this I found out that I could go back to school. Nice.

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