Tuesday, January 01, 2002

On New Year's Day

Wow. I'm shaken. New Year's is completely arbitrary... but a lot has happened in the last year. I've...

discovered psychoanalysis

lost my faith in humyn agency

thought I was in love twice

got drunk for the first time

won state and districts

fucked up and only won 7 ballots at nationals

became intimate with someone I cared about

began listening to Throbbing Gristle and Black Flag all the time

did time in jail

got my arms slashed up in a botched car stunt and almost bled to death in the backseat of my friend's car. A friend patched it up with $5.00 of medical supplies for Walgreens. I thought I was going to die that night.

Wow. Everything is changing and falling apart. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's exciting, but i need to think long and hard about my role in the Dionysian play. Shiva dances and destroys the world. What's my role? Not sure, but hopefully love will play a great role. That's the only thing I can hold onto.

In the Mahabharata, it says:

"Earth is strewn over with bright
weapons and red with blood. She
resembles a dark dancing girl
dressed in crimson, fallen, confused
with wine, her golden bells and
silver ornaments all deranged . . .
But it is an illusion. It is done in
play.
Who has been slain?
Who has done murder here?"

We shall see in 2002. Into the death. Let's go..

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