Wednesday, April 24, 2002

no reason.

lately tons of stuff has been freaking me out.

nothing really scary. it's just weird stuff. tonight when i thought for a little while that i was going to fail a necessary class, i really didn't care. banks in the northwest may get blown up, but that doesn't bother me. i'm going to go cash some checks tomorrow and i'm not perterbed in the slightest (i know... no one's going to blow up the little bank that services college kids... but still...).

i get scared of stupid stuff. like e-mail. it terrifies me. i have an inbox jammed full of crap that i don't want to read. some of it's from people i know. some of it's from stuff at school or from various listserves. a few are from people answering my requests for a place to live. i waited a week to read one of those. i about had a seizure trying to look at the screen. it didn't really say anything, but it took tons of energy to look at.

going to normal functions is scary too. seeing people. talking to parents. studying. reading. eating. anything. it just makes me want to stay home all day sleeping (which is pretty much all i've been doing this week). if i could have my way, i'd sleep 12 hours a day and spend the other 12 hours talking to and hanging out with a small handfull of people who i know. yeah, ideally i'd read a book or watch a movie per day too. those few people, music, books, movies, and sleep are the only things i care about anymore

but by the end of the week i have to move the totality of my posessions across town and fly away for the summer. i know this is really stupid, but the thought of it is unnerving. weird.

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