Tuesday, January 21, 2003


wanting to give your everything to someone but them not wanting that everything

and feeling bad even though you have no right to feel that way

and taking the drippy path under the overpass and trying to dissolve the random dashes of rain with memories of warm nights under afghans and electric blankets

and accepting it... because love is more than the clutch of a warm hand, it's more than the need to press your cheek against someone else, it's more than the warm roll of corona-lime breath, it's more than knowing you'll get a smile and arpeggios of laughter every time you breathe down their neck.

as wonderful as that is, there's something else that none of that captures. tonight, my brain can't vocalize it; but i feel it. it's there and it bounces around my nose every time i stutter when i try to say it to myself.

i just want everyone i care about to be happy and to be passionate about the things they do. i want them to wake up in the morning and think,


my hands chatter like my fluoride sented teeth, but sometimes you have to not be selfish.

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